Fish Bitch

Oh, hello.

Thank you for scanning my shirt.

I am a big pussy, and for some reason, these really fucking cool-ass people I’m with tolerate me.

My name is Fish Bitch.
You may also call me:

• Loser

• Ugly

• Dork

• Guy who eats Snickers upside-down so he can feel the vein on his tongue

You may NOT buy me a drink or pity me. You may only treat me like dirt.

I lost an annual tournament last year, and therefore, I am required to suffer the slings and arrows of failure by displaying it publicly.

This is not a joke or hyperbole—I am actually a piece of shit and a loser.

I eat bananas for the shape.
My family tree… is a wreath.

You can try to insult me, but you will have a hard time outdoing what nature has already done.

I don’t have a library card.
I am the type of guy who owes his grandma money.

Some of my heroes include Bill Cosby, Jeff Epstein, and JonBenét Ramsey’s parents.

It’s nice to meet you. Now, please go thank my friends for the charity they provide you, the patrons of Key West.

For if not for them, I may be trying to hang out with you!

I Suck

Here is a picture of me